If you’re my friend, you should know that the only reason I’m talking to you is because I value you. I don’t care about your cool stuff. I care about you. Your personality. Your well-being. Your uniqueness. I love all of those things about you.
Sometimes I isolate myself because I’m a depressed person that goes on constant social vacations. I feel very alone almost all of the time. I know that it’s my fault that I feel like that. It’s in my own head and I’m constantly fighting my brain gremlins.
So if it sometimes feels like I’m ignoring you, speak up. I’m probably going through a bad spell. I might not be a very good friend to you during those times, but I’m trying.
I love you. Just remember that for your own bad spells.
Rules: Just insert your answers to the questions below. Tag at least 10 followers.
-Name: Diana -Nickname: Chisel -Gender: F -Sexuality: Guys, I don’t even know. Pansexual? -Height: 5’ 1”ish -Time zone: Eastern -What time and date is it there: 9/5/2014 2:23pm -Average hours of sleep I get each night: 10? Too many. Or too little. Sometimes 4? -OTPs: None - The last thing I Googled was: Pansexual. hahahahaha -First word that comes to mind: confused -What I last said to a family member: “Should I do it?” -One place that makes me happy and why: Japanese markets, because they remind me of my grandma & my heritage -How many blankets I sleep under: Just one right now, but in the winter 2 comforters. Yes, two. -Favorite beverage: Coffee. (Bubble) Tea. Horchata. Uhhh, I’m really bad at picking favorites. I love drinks! -The last movie I watched in the cinema: Cyber Ninja -Three things I can’t live without: lip balm, photos of guinea pigs & living room dance parties -Something I plan on learning: guitar -A piece of advice for all my followers: Procrastination doesn’t make you feel better. Just do the thing! You’ll feel so relieved once it’s actually done! -You have to listen to this song: I Regret the Day I Tried to Steal Daniel’s Ego by The Deathray Davies -My blog(s): Green Tea Haiku, Fake Persona and Mixtapes & Polaroids -Tagging 10 (or so): I’m not going to tag people, because I hate doing it. So please do this if you want to and make sure to tag me in it, so I can read all about the people that read my tumblr! :)
I’m really scared of letting people down. I’m much too hard on myself. So I find myself not putting myself out there, but I’m painfully aware that I do not want to die average and boring. I don’t like the idea of being forgotten and I know that will happen anyways. I hope I can change one life with a haiku or a story or my love. I used to from stories from sadness and happiness. I used to feel so much. I find myself feeling numb. I find myself filling up with anxiety to the point where I can’t feel anything else. It’s very hard for me every single day. I’ve had to walk away from a few things. I’m very sad that I had to do so. But the sweet relief that I felt afterwards. It’s okay to say no. But figure out why you’re saying no. Sometimes you don’t even know why till months afterwards.
I’m in therapy. I talk and talk and talk. I feel like I’m figuring some things out, but I have a mess of a brain and as soon as I feel confident, I drag myself down again. It’s a constant turbulent ocean inside of this mind. I wish I could just sail easily. Maybe it’s this constant buzz that keeps me alive.
I’m starting over every single day. I wish I could go back 10 years when I was less scared of failure and the nos. When nothing could stop me, because it felt right.
I just have to find the same force that powered me then and bring it back. Bring it back and never let it go.
just gonna say this: if someone has social anxiety and they ask you something akin to ‘are you mad at me’ or ‘do you hate me’, it isn’t because they don’t trust you, it’s because their brain literally tells them that all the time
it’s not a personal slight, it’s insecurity caused by mental illness
I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, Kiss me harder, and You’re a good person, and, You brighten my day. I live my life as straight-forward as possible.
Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.
Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands.
But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.
And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.
We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.
We never know when the bus is coming.
”—Lewis, Rachel C.. Tell The People You Love That You Love Them. (via wordsnquotes)